Thoughts on Humility

The concept of humility has become so convoluted over the years that it’s having a more negative impact than positive one on people’s personal development. The word has always been associated with something positive, something noble, something we should all strive for, which is strictly put in terms of everything so-called humility is not: not bragging about one’s self, not drawing attention to one’s self, not being too confident. The last—confidence—used to be a uniformly positive value and now in our woke culture it’s become somewhat of an ambivalent word.

I’ve always considered myself a humble person. Coming from an Asian background, bragging about one’s self or drawing attention to one’s self is culturally frowned upon. There’s even an old idiom: “The nail that sticks out gets hammered down.” And on top of this, it’s also just the way I’m wired. I don’t like talking about myself and I don’t like drawing attention to myself.

Earlier in my life I saw this as a strictly positive trait but now I realize it’s not so black & white. Perhaps the areas in life I have always struggled with the most are due to this same humility. I’ve put others before myself more than I should have, I’ve never stood up for myself as much as I should have, I’ve never spoken up for myself as much as I should have, and I’ve never possessed the level of confidence in myself I should have. In short, I’ve never really valued myself as much as I should have.

Worrying about being “the nail that sticks out,” corrupts our sense of self-worth. We subconsciously devalue ourselves when we become more concerned with what other people think of us, than truly living in accordance with who we are as unique and special individuals. And operating from this mindset, robs us of the courage, confidence, and self-esteem necessary for success.

As loving and giving as my parents are, they’ve never said things like “You are great,” “You are a special person,” “You can do anything you set your mind to.” It’s not because they don’t believe that. It’s just not the way they communicate. It doesn’t fit within the parameters of humility. And I believe it’s also a subconscious fear of creating an arrogant and egotistical monster. But if I did have such positive reinforcements from these two I so love, maybe I’d be more mentally equipped to excel in life.

I think many of us are too caught up in how others carry themselves: “he brags too much,” “he thinks too highly of himself,” “he thinks he’s so great.” It’s very irrational since it has no bearing on our own well-being. Yet people want to demonize and even destroy others because of this, which is evident with the whole Trump Derangement Syndrome. Of course bragging or anything of the like isn’t a great quality but sometimes you can’t have the good without the bad. If someone has high self-esteem which helps him succeed in life, what does it really matter if he occasionally brags?

We’ve become so concerned with humility that having too much self-esteem or too much self-confidence is associated with its opposite. And unfortunately many have prioritized the former at the expense of the of latter.  We need to stop worrying whether we ourselves look humble enough and also whether others do so as well. Real humility has nothing to do with this. Real humility is an awareness of our own humanity. That regardless of how much confidence we have, we are fallible by nature. It’s knowing we can always learn more and grow more in every area of life.